Article from The Independent
Thursday March 01 2012
From pregnancy to piles, sleepless nights and C-sections, being a first-time mum doesn't always turn out like you thought it would. Five new mothers tell Chrissie Russell how their baby expectations compared with reality
Single mum LINDA COWAP (30) from Trim, Co Meath, gave birth to Cian last July
I had nightmares about doing it all on my own and worried about everything ahead of the birth. But in the end he was four weeks premature and because I was in the hospital for a week I had great support. They showed me how to bathe him, how to make bottles, how to change him and I left feeling really confident.
"Even though there was an immediate bond with him I still feel like I need my own time. It's very easy to get caught up in being a mummy, but it isn't enough, you need time for yourself.
"It's a bit overwhelming at times. I look at this little person and know I have his whole life in my hands, it's me who has to develop and teach him.
"On a practical level, nappy changes can be a real shock. The sheer amount that comes out of a small person and the smells can be pretty terrible. But I've surprised myself by how well I've dealt with that.
"The biggest piece of advice I could pass on to other new mums is not to get into competition with other babies. It's very easy when you hear someone else saying that their baby is talking at seven months and you think 'should my baby be doing that?' But it's ridiculous to get sucked into worrying.
"Even though Cian wasn't planned I got my head around it pretty quickly and I've no regrets.
Teenage mum LAURA KEARNEY (19) from Bray, Co Wicklow, gave birth to her son Ryan seven months ago
I was so busy worrying about the birth, I didn't really give that much thought to what would happen after.
"People kept telling me horror stores about three-day labours, I was so panicked, but it wasn't that bad -- probably because I changed my mind about wanting a natural birth! The epidural was a miracle, I'd no idea how painful contractions were going to be, but after the epidural, I fell asleep!
"He was really big, 10lbs, so I had to have an episiotomy (I didn't even know what that was before the birth) and once the drugs wore off I was in bits.
"I was totally unprepared for how scary I found being a mum at the start. In the ward all the other mums were older than me and seemed to know so much more than I did.
"Suddenly I was left all alone with the baby and no clue what to do. Everyone kept saying 'it'll come naturally' but at the start it really didn't. I'd never even held a newborn before, so it was really daunting. But in the end instincts did kick in.
"I was totally unprepared for how people look at young mothers. I feel judged, which is hard because I think the person who puts most pressure on me, is me. I really criticised myself when I couldn't breastfeed, it was just too sore.
"Sometimes when he's screaming I think 'why didn't I wait 10 years?' but even though he wasn't planned I still think he's the best thing to have happened to me."
Married stay-at-home mum ANN MARIE NICHOLSON (25) from Co Waterford gave birth to Isobelle last August
My biggest fear was that the baby wouldn't be healthy, so I was terrified when I went for a detailed scan and they told me her head was a bit small. I worried for weeks, unnecessarily as it turned out.
"When I brought her home I was scared that I wouldn't wake up when she needed to be breastfed -- but soon learned there was no need for that!
"I'd never heard about reflux, which Isobelle had, and nothing prepared me for how hard it is looking after a windy baby, especially when she had day and night mixed up. I was so exhausted I could hardly move.
"Before the birth I thought I would be brilliant at losing my baby weight and be out every day walking. But some days I can't even get up when I've been up all night and I can't think about healthy meals, it's just about survival.
"I feel really lucky to have had great support from friends, family and healthcare professionals. Also going on EUmom.ie and talking to other mums has really helped me."
Graphic designer KATE DWYER (30) from Dublin gave birth to her son Cillian last March
I worried about the birth and about coping as a new mum but I didn't give too much thought to the pregnancy. So it was a real shock when that turned out to be so bad. I hated every single minute.
"I suffered really badly with depression but kept it pretty much to myself because you always hear women talking fondly about their bump and I felt bad that I didn't feel that way.
"I was 30, I had a life, I liked partying and lived for the weekend. When I fell pregnant most of my friends were still going out. Only one or two called round. The stress put a strain on my relationship and it fell apart.
"Normally most people get more stressed after the birth, but I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I was amazed by the amount of love I felt for him straight away.
"It was an all-consuming love that I never thought I would feel and instead of worrying like I thought I would, I find I'm looking forward to all his firsts.
"The only thing I wished someone had warned me about is that you get really bad piles after labour, it's the absolute worst!"
Nurse SINEAD MAHER (40) from Portarlington, Co Laois, gave birth to daughter Caoilinn in November
My biggest concern was about my age. I'd had a miscarriage before, so I worried about that, about how I would cope and how my partner would cope without sleep. I was also anxious about the baby getting sick. As a nurse I've heard some horror stories about babies choking -- they really played on my mind.
"I needn't have worried, everything was fine with her. The big problem actually was my pregnancy. I had to stop work at 29 weeks because no matter how early I went to bed I was exhausted.
"My ankles were swollen and from 31 weeks I had Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. I'd seen women at work, working until 10 days before the birth and assumed I would be the same, but it wasn't the case.
"Being a mum is fantastic, but there are still days when I don't know how I'm going to cope. I really rely on the support I have from my partner David and friends and family.
"On days when she's crying constantly it helps if I can call a friend and say 'please give me half an hour to get out'.
"I had no idea how long I would have to spend just sitting with her. I'm amazed how sometimes there just isn't time to do things like washing the kitchen floor or even make dinner.
"The biggest surprise was the wave of love I felt when they first put her on my chest. I had to have a C-section, which I was disappointed about, but from the second I saw her I was overwhelmed . . . and shocked. I was convinced I was having a boy, so hadn't even picked out girls' names!"
Being a new mum can be frightening . . . Don’t worry, that’s normal
Paediatric nurse Lynda Quigley, along with life coach Ruth Toomey, runs MummyMatters.ie, a postnatal course for first-time mums. She says new mums shouldn't be afraid to admit to finding it tough:
"I don't think any new mum-to-be really knows what to expect, and the reality is that the first eight weeks can be a shocker.
"When it's your first you've no idea what to prepare for. I can spot new mums a mile off -- they're the ones looking absolutely shattered.
"I break my classes into two hour-long segments.
"The first is all about the practicalities of looking after baby, taking care of all the questions, such as what colour nappies should be, bathing, umbilical cord care, what you really need to buy -- just helpful, practical tips.
"But the second hour is all about mum. You can lose your sense of identity when you become a mum and you need to have life balance.
"The truth is, being a new mum can be isolating, especially if you've been working. It can be frightening and lonely to suddenly be home all day with a baby.
"People say to enjoy it. But don't feel guilty if it's not always what you thought it would be or you need a break. That's normal."
Article from The Independent