Posted on June 21st, 2009 | by Dee |
We have to be honest,
sometimes life is not always as good or as happy as we would want it to be;
sometimes we have to face disappointments or adversity in our lives. How
we face such times is of great importance to each of us if we wish to get
through and regain the positives in our lives. It was with great pleasure
that I discovered this article and present it to you now.
So if you are facing hard
times, disappointment or adversity, I hope that this article is of some comfort
and help to you.
3 Steps For Handling
Disappointment Or Adversity
By Maurine Patten
Unfortunately, the
unemployment rate continues to increase on a monthly basis this year. Other
economic signs are beginning to show some small improvement which helps remind
us that eventually companies will begin hiring again. In the meantime, life
continues to be a struggle for many people.
You might be facing other
common disappointments or adversities. In the work
place, the bid you put in for a project was rejected, or you did not get the
job you had hoped for. Maybe the kitchen or wash needs cleaning, and you do not
want to face the day.
Whenever you have an
expectation or hope that is not realized, you feel some level of disappointment
or sadness. How you think about the situation will have a lot do with the feelings
you have and how you choose to act or behave.
In addition, research
indicates that your happiness
as an adult might depend on how well you learned as a child to:
1. Deal with disappointment
or adversity.
2. Create and sustain joy.
Are you one of many adults
who did not learn how to do either of these things very well as you were
growing up? If you are, now is your chance to master these two skills. With
some commitment and effort, there are things you can do to make a difference in
your level of happiness.
Are you ready to responsible
for your own feelings, especially negative ones? It is easy to blame others for
the way you feel. However, this will not increase your level of happiness.
You begin by first being ready to be responsible for your own feelings.
In every negative situation,
you have a choice of focusing on the:
1. Terrible things about it,
and how it will make your life harder or less satisfying, or
2. Opportunities this
situation may offer you and how you can use your strengths to move forward.
When you are feeling
stressed, irritable, anxious or sad, there are three key questions you need to
ask yourself:
1. What opportunities are
there for me in this situation?
2. What resources do I have
to help me?
3. How will I use my
resources?
However, before you can
answer these questions, you have to have self-awareness. This means you are
able to notice what you are feeling and be able to acknowledge the feeling. You
own the feeling by naming it. Think of the feeling as a cue that you need to
notice and acknowledge what you are telling yourself. You might be saying
something like, “I can’t do this,” or “I need help with this.” Be curious about
what you discover you are telling yourself without reacting emotionally to it.
Now is the time to ask the first
question listed above – What opportunities are there for me in this situation?
You might be surprised by the answers you get.
Sometimes the opportunities
are not ones you would have chosen for yourself at that particular time. You
may not feel ready to meet the challenge of finding employment or another
project to bid on, cleaning the kitchen or doing the wash. However, one of the
most important things you can do for yourself is to stop and discover what
opportunities there are for you in the situation.
After you have discovered
some opportunities, the next step is to ask the second question – What
resources do I have to help me? Identify your internal and external resources
that will help you embrace the opportunities. Internal resources may be your
intelligence, sense of humor, the experience you bring, perseverance, courage,
etc. External resources may be family, friends, someone you respect, money,
time, etc.
The final step is to ask the
third question – How will I use my resources? Determine how your resources will
help you move forward. When you get to this last step, you might want to talk
with a trusted advisor to help you know what to do if the situation is complex.
The important thing is to come up with a plan that is doable and easy to follow
through with over time.
These three steps will help
you successfully handle major and smaller disappointments or adversities. The
next time you notice yourself feeling disappointment or facing an adversity,
ask the three key questions. Determine the steps you will follow and the time
frame you need to be successful as you embrace the opportunities ahead.
Copyright (c) 2009 Maurine
Patten
Maurine Patten, Ed.D., CMC
empowers top talent to work
collaboratively, increase motivation
and improve performance using the latest research in neuroscience. Visit
Maurine at http://www.pattencoaching.com/services
for details and her free report “How to Be Resilient in Today’s World.”
Mailto: mdpcoach@pattencoaching.com