7 Ways to Overcome Disappointment

By THERESE J. BORCHARD 
Associate Editor
Article from http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/

“We would never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world,” wrote Helen Keller.

How I wish she were wrong. Disappointments leave us with the unpleasant task of squashing, crushing, and pinching lemons to extract any and all juice. Here, then, are a few of my techniques to turn sour into sweet, to try my best to overcome disappointment.

1. Throw Away the Evidence

Albert Einstein failed his college entrance exam. Walt Disney was fired from his first media job. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team. Get it?

2. Stay in the Mud

“The lotus flower blooms most beautifully from the deepest and thickest mud,” says a Buddhist proverb, just in case you thought all crap was bad.

3. Make a Pearl

Allow your disappointment to form a pearl just as an oyster does when an irritating grain of sand gets inside its shell, but grab the pearl before the sand gets in your eyes.

4. Ignore the Critics

Success is one percent talent, 99 perspiration. Take it from a writer whose eighth-grade paper was read aloud as an example of how NOT to write.

5. Grow Your Roots

Although the bamboo is the fastest-growing plant on Earth, it looks lazy at first because there is no branching … just growing lots of deep and wide roots. At the right time, though, the evergreen is capable of surging as fast as 48 inches in 24 hours. So are we … if we grow strong roots.

6. Persevere

“The greatest oak was once a little nut who held its ground.” –Author Unknown

7. Don’t Rush the Process

Only in struggling to emerge from a small hole in the cocoon does a butterfly form wings strong enough to fly. Should you try to help a butterfly by tearing open the cocoon, the poor thing won’t sprout wings, or if it does, its friends will make fun of it.

THERESE J. BORCHARD 
Associate Editor
Article from http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/

The Christian Response to Disappointment

Learn How to Respond to Disappointment as a Christian

From Jack Zavada

Article from http://christianity.about.com/

The Christian life can sometimes feel like a roller coaster ride when strong hope and faith collide with an unexpected reality. When our prayers aren't answered as we desired and our dreams become shattered, disappointment is the natural result. Jack Zavada examines "The Christian Response to Disappointment" and offers practical advice for turning disappointment in a positive direction, moving you closer to God.

The Christian Response to Disappointment

If you're a Christian, you're well-acquainted with disappointment.

All of us, whether new Christians or lifelong believers, battle feelings of disappointment when life goes wrong. Deep down, we think that following Christ should give us special immunity against trouble. We're like Peter, who tried to remind Jesus, "We have left everything to follow you." (Mark 10:28).

Maybe we haven't left everything, but we have made some painful sacrifices. Doesn't that count for something? Shouldn't that give us a free pass when it comes to disappointment?

You already know the answer to that. As we’re each struggling with our own private setbacks, godless people seem to be thriving. We wonder why they’re doing so well and we’re not. We fight our way through loss and disappointment and wonder what’s going on.

Asking the Right Question

After many years of hurts and frustration, I finally realized that the question I should ask God isn't "Why, Lord?" but rather, "What now, Lord?"

Asking “What now, Lord?” instead of “Why, Lord?” is a hard lesson to learn. It's hard to ask the right question when you’re feeling disappointed. It's hard to ask when your heart is breaking. It's hard to ask “What now?” when your dreams have been shattered.

But your life will begin to change when you start asking God, "What would you have me do now, Lord?" Oh sure, you’ll still feel angry or disheartened by disappointments, but you’ll also discover that God is eager to show you what he wants you to do next. Not only that, but he’ll equip you with everything you need to do it.

Where to Take Your Heartaches

In the face of trouble, our natural tendency is not to ask the right question. Our natural tendency is to complain. Unfortunately, griping to other people rarely helps solve our problems. Instead, it tends to drive people away. Nobody wants to hang around a person who has a self-pitying, pessimistic outlook on life.

But we can't just let it go. We need to pour our heart out to someone. Disappointment is too heavy a burden to bear. If we let disappointments pile up, they lead to discouragement. Too much discouragement leads to despair. God doesn’t want that for us. In his grace, God asks us to take our heartaches to him.

If another Christian tells you that it's wrong to gripe to God, just send that person to the Psalms. Many of them, like Psalms 31, 102 and 109, are poetic accounts of hurts and grievances. God listens. He'd rather have us empty our heart to him than keep that bitterness inside. He is not offended by our discontent.

Complaining to God is wise because he's capable of doing something about it, while our friends and relations may not be. God has the power to change us, our situation, or both. He knows all the facts and he knows the future. He knows exactly what needs to be done.

The Answer to 'What Now?'

When we pour out our hurt to God and find the courage to ask him, "What do you want me to do now, Lord?," we can expect him to answer. He will communicate through another person, our circumstances, instructions from him (very rarely), or through his Word, the Bible.

The Bible is such an important guidebook that we should immerse ourselves in it regularly. It's call the Living Word of God because its truths are constant yet they apply to our changing situations. You can read the same passage at different times in your life and get a different answer--a relevant answer--from it every time. That is God speaking through his Word.

Seeking God's answer to "What now?" helps us grow in faith. Through experience, we learn that God is trustworthy. He can take our disappointments and work them for our good. When that happens, we come to the staggering conclusion that the all-powerful God of the universe is on our side.

No matter how painful your disappointment may be, God's answer to your question of "What now, Lord?" always begins with this simple command: "Trust me. Trust me."

Jack Zavada

Article from http://christianity.about.com/

8 healthy ways to cope with your emotions

By Julie Revelant
Healthy Mama
Published May 12, 2013
Article from FoxNews.com

 

Some days you’re so sleep deprived, stressed out and overwhelmed that you feel like you might just lose your cool. But instead of having your own meltdown, read on for eight simple and effective ways you can deal with your feelings and find your inner Zen.

1. Realize that emotions are natural.

As a child, you probably learned that expressing emotions wasn’t acceptable behavior with messages like “big girls don’t cry,” or “I’ll give you something to cry about.”  Yet “emotions are just pure physiology in the body,” said Jude Bijou, a licensed marriage and family therapist, educator, and author of Attitude Reconstruction: A Blueprint for Building a Better Life.  And all feelings are rooted in just three emotions: anger, sadness and fear. Expressing them is perfectly normal, even healthy, Bijou said.

2. Have a Plan B.

Tantrums, meltdowns and sibling fights are inevitable, but if you anticipate and plan ahead, you’ll be more equipped to handle tough situations, according to Nicole Knepper, a licensed clinical professional counselor and author of Moms Who Drink and Swear: True Tales of Loving My Kids While Losing My Mind. Some ideas: throw your tantruming tot into the bath and let him or her play while you take your own time out or take a trip to the park during the witching hour.

3. Adjust your expectations.

If you’re trying to be the perfect mom and follow every piece of advice you hear, you’ll only set yourself up for frustration and disappointment. Instead, reevaluate and do what’s realistic for your family.  “Don’t think about how it should be; look at how it is,” Knepper said.

4. Check out.

Stuck at home with the kids on a rainy day? Set the kids up with any activity and take a 20 minute break to read a magazine, take a bath or call a friend. “Any way that you find brings you comfort and support, take it,” Knepper said. 

5. Laugh it off.

According to a recent Oxford University study, a good belly laugh releases mood-boosting endorphins and can even help relieve pain. “It’s OK to see the fun in the dysfunction,” Knepper said, “because if you don’t, you will set yourself up for an absolute crack up.”

6. Release the energy.

Counting to 10 or taking deep breaths are surprisingly ineffective ways to deal with emotions, but moving the energy out of the body in a physical way—much like a child does—is. “It breaks that grip that the emotions have on you,” Bijou said.

So if you’re angry, push your hand against the door jam, stomp your feet on the floor, pound your fist into the mattress or just say, “Ughh!” If you’re feeling blue, have a good cry. For fear, instead of tightening up your body, shake and shiver it out. Are the kids around?  Go into another room or explain that you’re upset and that it will pass in a minute.

7. Learn acceptance.

It’s hard to discipline your child when your emotions are running high, but if you accept his or her behavior in the moment, it will be much easier to communicate the way you want him or her to act.  “Rather [than saying] ‘She should be different,’ say, ‘That’s the way she is.’ Re-orient your thinking into acceptance rather than expectation,” Bijou said. 

8. Get help.

Twenty-eight percent of stay at home moms and 17 percent of working moms say they’re depressed, according to the Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index. If you feel like you just can’t get a handle on your emotions, reach out to family or friends for support or seek professional help.

Julie Revelant is a freelance writer specializing in parenting, health, food and women's issues and a mom. Learn more about Julie at revelantwriting.com

Julie Revelant
Healthy Mama
Published May 12, 2013
Article from FoxNews.com